Rockstar Jon Bon Jovi (John Francis Bongiovi, Jr) was pronounced the undisputed leader of North Korea today after diplomats found him in a imperial crowning ceremony backstage at the World Bratwurst Tour concert on The Flaloozle Festival, West Bend, Wisconsin.
West Bend Fire Department-First Aid Captain William Gasser told The Groove that paramedics responded to a mass fainting of women, both American and North Korean, at the news that Emperor Bon Jovi was truly a god. When they arrived, Bon Jovi was no longer bound to the rules of this Earth which undoubtedly means he is the one, and only one, who could replace Kim Jong Il.
The paramedics performed CPR on legions of fainting females and then took the Emperor-God Bon Jovi to the North Korean embassy where his celestial steed whisked him off to the land of perfection known as North Korea by the uncleanly unworthy’uns of the western world but is called “Better than a white hot poker in the ass” by local residents. Hundreds of reporters gathered at the embassy awaiting word on how awesome it was to be promoted from power-ballady-mega-pantie-magnet to an actual god of the people. The sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said Bon Jovi whispered just two words before leaving for his new home and place in human history, “It’s rad.”